Mother’s Day Sucks.

In February of 2020, I lost my mom to suicide. It’s impossible not to think of her leaving me behind on Mother’s Day.

I’ve done a really damn good job trying to convince myself that she was in some way justified. Her pain was too great; her spirit too sensitive. I’ve tried to create sense from the nonsensical. But the cold harsh reality I must face is that suicide is often a symptom of other psychiatric, mental health, and substance abuse disorders, and my mother’s suicide was no exception.

I haven’t talked to anyone outside of my closest circles about how my mom died since it happened. But May is mental health awareness month. The first May that came after her passing I was in shock. The second I was still too ashamed. But I committed to myself that by the third May of her passing, I would share our story to do my part to reduce the stigma of suicide and mental health in hope that her death is not in vain.

I suppose the greatest gift of her passing was a wake-up call to me about how precious my own mental health is and to not take it for granted. Entrepreneurs are reported to experience depression, anxiety, bipolar, and other mental health issues at a rate double that of the general population. I’ve been very fortunate to have my partner, friends, and community help me recognize my risk and take steps to get and stay healthy.

The good news is that mental health is finally getting the spotlight this nation needs right now. The National Alliance of Mental Illness (NAMI) has done a tremendous job pushing for improvements in services at the federal level. They’re also matching donations through the end of the month, up to $200,000. I’ve made the decision to donate in my mom’s name and I hope you’ll join me in giving if you’re able.

I was heartened to read this well-written Inc. piece about Andy Dunn’s struggles and recovery. I’m hopeful we’re making cultural moves to break the fragile shell of shame around these topics. I’m hopeful it will help others to not only feel comfortable doing the same but also, and maybe more importantly, start conversations about paths to recovery and healthier habits.